ANCIENT MYTH EXPOSED! The Trojan “Horse” was actually a Bicycle! Scholars from the Institut d’ Columbia today announced a radical new interpretation of the ancient Homeric text that sheds new light on the Fall of Troy. Instead of a large wooden horse, the ancient Greeks fooled their Trojan enemies with a large custom-made bicycle. Professors Vittoria Schwinn and Bianchi Colnago together announced their new discovery at a press conference today. “We had it wrong all these years,” said Prof. Schwinn. “Yes,” agreed Prof. Colnago, who explained that the reinterpretation of the original text, “proves that the clever Greeks constructed an enormous bicycle and left it leaning against the main city gate of Troy.” According to Prof. Schwinn, “the Greek soldiers were secretly hidden inside the top tube.” The two scholars marveled at the Greeks’ brilliance. “No one thinks of looking in the top tube,” said Prof. Colnago. “The seat tube, maybe, but the top tube? Nah.” “Yes,” Prof. Schwinn agreed, “and it appears they also fitted the Trojan Bike with secret hatches in the wheels as they had been setup for tubeless.” Prof. Albert Bontrager of Cannondale College, who was not involved in the new study, was impressed with the new findings. “We’ve always thought the horse story was a bit sketchy,” he said. “This makes much more sense. There’s no way the Trojans would pass up a free bike – n+1, you know.”
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