It all began, they say, when three friends took refuge in a torrential downpour while on a bike ride. Ana, a marine biologist, complained about her worn out raingear. Her friend Sharon, a biomedical researcher, agreed and groused about how expensive new raingear had become. Peter, their bicycle advocate friend, lamented that convincing new cyclists to take up bike commuting was often stymied by the need to ride in inclement weather. “It’s not like you can just turn cyclists into amphibians,” he joked. His friends paused and exchanged glances.
Two years later “Wheeling Webfeet” ™ was born. Today, cyclists who fit the bio profile can sign up for the two-week transformation process to eliminate forever the need for any raingear. The process begins by immersion in a special chemical solution in the company’s patented “heptabaric chamber” where the patient undergoes robotic microsurgery, supplemented by frog DNA, “similar to that used in that Jurassic movie,” explained Ana, “only a lot safer. Really.” Two weeks later the rejuvenated cyclist “just slips out of the chamber and begins jumping on and off bikes to check them out,” said Peter.
Within days the new amphibian cyclists are off on all kinds of biking: road, gravel, cyclocross, eroica… “you name it,” Peter continued. “For some strange reason they all seem very fond of ‘tweed rides’; we haven’t quite figured out why.” “At first we thought that they might need some special kits,” agreed Sharon, “but they seem to be happy just shopping at Goodwill.” The team at “Wheeling Webfeet” ™ did concoct a new energy bar made of crushed flies, meal worms, and assorted insects. “We knew that cyclists would eat anything,” said Sharon, “but those were a big hit.” The company quickly added those to its product line.
Yes, cyclists today can now look forward to a time when riding in the rain will seem as natural as can be. The fender and raingear manufacturers will no doubt be disappointed, but cyclists will once again take their place as the leaders of the green revolution.
