Mojave Desert, Calif.: MILITARY REPORTEDLY WORKING ON PEDAL-POWERED DRONE.
Scientists working for the U.S. Army Special Ordnance Division are working on a prototype of a new pedal-powered drone. The drone, they say, will be human-powered, but the energy savings will more than make up for the extra cost of recruiting, training, and replacing human pilots.
The actual workings of the new drone are classified, but it is believed to employ a radical new design that amplifies the leg strength of the pilot through advanced biomechanics. The military is also experimenting with PEDs that have been extensively field-tested in professional cycling.
Military spokesmen were not willing to be interviewed on camera, but speaking off-the-record, they claimed they had no problem finding cyclists to volunteer for the dangerous assignment of testing the new machine. Ironically, it is the wide-spread viewing of grainy videos taken by actual drones in the act of vaporizing vehicles driven by suspected insurgents that have inspired many cyclists to volunteer.
"That's right," said one recruiter closely involved in the project. "You can always tell who the hard-core cyclists are. You ask them: 'Why do you want to join the military?' and they say: 'I want to blow up cars and trucks.'"
The military hopes to have these new drones in operation by the end of the year, or as soon as they figure out the placement of water bottle mounts. Meanwhile the intensive training of cyclist-pilots continues. "It's so friggin' awesome," said one trainee who agreed to talk off-camera. "I can't wait to use this on my daily commute!"